these are my confessions

I have confessions to make to everyone so here goes, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN DOING TO MYSLEF AND FRIENDS LATELY??????? So here are my confession to everyone I hope that I CAN make my wrongs into right and work on everything that is broken to fix it becasue life and friendship is perious give to have and I don't want to lose none of it so there for I want to fix it all and yes I know that it will take time but I'm will if all of you who I upset or hurt are willing too. So here goes these are my confession, yes I'm becoming fat ass agin which is my own doing since I hurt my back or rather when they didn't know what was wrong with my knee I was told not to exercise and like dumb ass I listened to the doctor which IDK why I did I never listen when someone says I can't do something becasue I prove that I can do it. Now that my back is all fixed woohoo by the way I started to exercise and superly watch what I'm eating again I have cut back to eatting 1-2 meals day with one snack, well this part me getting back to working out and all came long time in the making I had to fight depression which I did, I had to stop my depression meds because I didn't like the way they made me feel which was nothing as all, so I fought my depression I had to find out what was making me depressed which I did thanks to Hinduism I searched deep in my mind and sould to find out what  it is, which turned out one was losing my mom the way that I did not beging able to tell her everything that I wanted to but I now know even thought she is not physcialy here she can still here what I had to tell her and she now knows what that was. Also I had to find out what made fat pig which turned out to be I used this fat suit to hide the wrongs that were done to me growing up, I have not come to peace with them and worked passed it to realzie I can change that and not be like that person who did that to me!! Since I have did so I'm no longer depressed. I now feel better as person about that and I have since been able to start losing weight and working with my band again!!!! Now onto how I have been treating my friends which is not very well because most of you are pissed of at me and are not talking to me because of this which I now know that I have been wrong in doing what I did and saying what I said. As those of you that know me know I don't always have way with words I sometimes get people confused in what I'm trying to say and give people the wrong IDEA which is not good and I'm working on this part, but for some reason I have been giving alot of my friends the wrong idea when I talk to them viva text or phone or FB I'm sorry I should really think before I speak or tpye as not to confuse people or give you the wrong Idea to cause drama in our lives I'm willing to working this if you are well to point out to me that I'm giving the wrong meaning or saying something that you could get the wrong idea, also I have not been good friend by not beging there for yous when you need me I have been to busy making messy of my life looking for love with the wrong men which I now know all the wanted to do was use me and I went along with it! No more for me!!! I'm going to start being good friend again I will be there for your when you get hurt, fuck up or whatever with no judgment on anyone!! I hope you do the same with me as well.

As for my weight loss it took good friends to get me going again well one but I'm not saying who but they know who they are they made me resee my goals again how I fucked up on everything and need to fix it I know this sounds bad but I'm kind of glad they are pissed at me right now and not talking to me for just few days because I need to do this and see how I have been wrong to everyone and it's pushed me harder in my workout as well to get to my goal weight and to stop beging such bitch lately!!! So here is what I'm going to do everyone I'm going to start spekaing my mind but think beofre I speak, kick my workouts up more to an hour 1/2 to two hours long,work everyday to fix what's broken in my life that is worth fixing! live more laugh harder, love those who matter, tell my friends everyday I'm gald to have them in my life! I have realzed that my life can change in single heart beat and I want to make every minute count. SO these are my confessions.

Diwali lights

Diwali lights n Rangoli
Originally uploaded by keya_arati

As the photos shows it's that time of the year again in Hinduism, Sikhism,and Jainism it's time to celebrate Diwali also know to us as festival of lights. Up until recent I didn't understand what this meant all I knew was it had to do with light and oil lamps. This festival has always interest me for as long as I can remember, not to feel stupid or dumb Westerner I looked it up to see what it fully meant which meant I googled it, along with going reading Sharell's blog over at www.whiteindinhousewife.com I learned what it mean and it has my full attention now in fact I'm going to try to take part in it here, of course mine will be so small it's not funny but I find it interesting. In case you don't know anything about Diwali go to this link here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diwali I found it quite interesting so much so that I'm going to go to one of the Hindu temples that are near me to speak with someone to learn More bout Diwali. I would also love to see some photos from those of you that celebrate this festival as well I will post mine. I borrowed this photo because it fit and is so colorful too I love the Mandela